Thoughts and words carry power. Use these tips for communicating and see how they change how both you and your partner can feel about each other
• Use the word “I” when talking to your partner, rather than use ‘you’ statements. ‘You’ statements invade the other’s territory and puts your partner on the defensive (for example “I am not feeling loved” rather than “You don’t love me anymore!”)
• Use the word “I” when talking to your partner, rather than use ‘we’ statements. ‘We’ statements assume that someone knows what the other thinks and feels, but without checking it out.
• Take the initiative to talk about or say how you feel.
• When saying ‘I’ you affirm yourself. It builds better self awareness - knowing how you are feeling in yourself - and it helps to take responsibility for your own attitudes and words.
• Check out your assumptions - you may well be making a mistake about what you are assuming.
• Speak directly to your partner rather than at or about them, in their presence.
• Stay in eye contact.
• Be specific rather than general.
• Acknowledge having heard your partner before moving on.
• It’s OK when what you think and what your partner thinks is different - both points of view are just as valid.
• Make positive statements rather than negative ones.
• Invite / request / ask for what you want, rather than make demands.
• Give up the need to be ‘right’!